D Gray Man Song Drabble Collections
by silverdragon917
Summary: Collection of Yullen song drabbles to help with various cases of writers block. None are very long, although depending on responses I might be able to make a full story or one shot out of them. Please read and review, it always helps. Rated T to be safe.
1. Drabble 1

**A/N: So this is going to be a kind of outlet to try and break my writer's block, so this is not going to be updated frequently, or even have a main plot. It's just a collection of Yullen song drabbles that I come up with while listening to my Ipod, and who knows, I actually might be able to come up with a cohesive story out of one of these.**

**As such, enjoy this, the first music drabble of many, and please tell me what you think.**

**silverdragon**

**Disclaimer: I'm going to say this once for the whole collection of drabbles, I do not own D Gray Man or any of the characters. As for the songs I got my inspiration from, I don't own those either, and will give credit to each of them at the beginning of each drabble.**

With Arms Wide Open by Creed

"Did you here? There's a new kid at school today," Lavi said as he reached over Kanda to grab something from across the lunch table.

"No I didn't, what's his name?" Lenalee asked from the other side of the Japanese teen.

"Allen Walker I think," was Lavi's reply.

Kanda tried to ignore the conversation, it's not like he really cared about some new kid. He continued to eat his Soba, barely registering when a pale white haired boy walked into the lunch room. Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare, the boy had a luminescent beauty about him, and he seemed to almost radiate light. Lavi stared and Lenalee gasped, but Kanda seemed unaffected by the new boy.

When he came over to their table he shot them all a brilliant smile, "Hey can I sit with you guys? All the other tables are full."

"Yeah sure," was Lavi's response, and the boy sat down across the table from Kanda.

"Hi, I'm Allen Walker. What are your names?" the boy asked starting to eat his lunch.

"Lavi."

"Lenalee."

"…." Kanda didn't respond. He was too busy looking at the new kid's face. It looked familiar, yet hazy, like something from a dream. It was then that the older teen looked into the boy's eyes, immediately knowing where he'd seen them before. It had been in a dream, such a wonderful dream.

He was brought out of his thoughts by a cough from Lavi, and when he shot the rabbit an annoyed look, he could see that Allen was staring at him as well.

"I know you from somewhere…." Allen started to say, but shook his head and instead turned to Lenalee, and started talking to her about their Chemistry homework.

Kanda racked his brain. He had to have seen the other teen somewhere other than in his dreams, there had to be a rational explanation as to how he knew the younger teen's face.

They made it through lunch, and as soon as the bell rang Kanda pulled the new kid into an alcove. He was going to find out where he'd seen the teen before if it killed him.

Kanda looked into the startled face and started talking, "Before you said you knew me from somewhere. Where have you seen me before?"

The younger teen looked up as a gentle blush found its way onto his face, "This may sound stupid, but I've seen you in my dreams…"


	2. Drabble 2

**A/N: Another drabble, done to one of my favorite bands ever. Please enjoy.**

**silverdragon**

Breathing by Yellowcard

Allen felt so alone. Even though Kanda was lying right next to him, breathing lightly on his forehead, he couldn't get rid of the coldness that had taken over his body. The room was sweltering, but still the icy feeling in his veins persisted, no matter how close he snuggled into the other man's chest.

It was then that he realized it wasn't his body that was cold, but his heart. It felt as though a giant wave of sorrow had overcome him, causing him to sink into the deep depths of the despair he'd been trying for so long to stay above.

Allen felt so tired, but couldn't manage to actually sleep, the feeling and sound of Kanda's breath keeping him up. Should he tell his lover about the sadness he was feeling, about the thoughts that had been running through his head constantly for the past few months? He couldn't tell Kanda, it would break the other man's heart, but every time they would touch and kiss he brought him closer to telling that horrible truth.

Allen wanted to die. There were quite a few reasons for it, all of them good ones, but he'd never actually been able to do it. He'd never been able to pull the trigger, or swallow the pills. There was the constant thought of Kanda whenever he would try. He couldn't just leave the other man, it would hurt both of them too much, and Allen couldn't have that.

So he buried his pain and sorrow, only letting it out in moments like these, when no one else was around to see. He had to keep it all in, not really for himself but for the man sleeping next to him, his only real reason for living.


	3. Drabble 3

**A/N: Once again, another drabble, this is definitely one I wouldn't mind turning full story. Please enjoy.**

**silverdragon**

Lips of an Angel by Hinder

His cell phone rang, giving off that ridiculous generic tone he was so used to. It was probably work, so he picked it up, excusing himself from the company of his boyfriend to go into the other room. The room was dark, but he didn't expect to be talking long, so he left the light off, preferring the blackness.

He opened his phone, bringing it to his ear in a swift motion, "Hello, this is Yu Kanda speaking."

He used his business tone, one that he'd become familiar with over the years. He was surprised when a voice that he wasn't expecting came through.

"Yu? Is that you?" said the familiar voice of Allen Walker.

Kanda stood there for a moment, getting his bearings before responding. It was Allen Walker, a pretty big person from his past, calling him out of the blue. It wasn't totally unheard of, but still, it confused him. They'd agreed to let each other move on, and after two years he finally thought he'd managed it. Now the sprout was calling him, dredging up the memories of their rocky history.

They'd met in high school, and had somehow become friends, admitting that they had feelings for each other just before graduation. The summer followed, and they got serious, becoming nearly inseparable. However all good things had to come to an end, and they had to go their separate ways when collage started. Kanda, going to a business school and Allen, making his way to a collage for the arts. Before they separated for the last time that summer they'd made a promise.

If neither one of them had found someone in that school year, they would meet up again over the next summer, and that's exactly what happened. Every summer until they graduated collage they found each other, spending two months together before they parted ways again, always renewing their promise. It wasn't a smart arrangement, but neither of them wanted it to end. They never really tried dating anyone else, there was no one that could replace their summer lover.

When they left collage they tried to live together, but it didn't work out. There was something lacking when you could see someone every day as opposed to two months of the year. So they'd broken up and gone their separate ways, promising each other that they would never see one another again. The arrangement had worked, until now.

"Allen? You do realize that it's eleven right?" Kanda was so surprised that the words just slipped out.

"I know, but I needed to talk to someone, and the only person I could think of was you." There was a slight hysterical tone to the white haired man's voice, as though he'd been crying.

"It's really great to hear from you, but I have someone over…" Kanda let the words hang, hoping that Allen would get the picture.

"I know and I'll make this quick, I have to get back to…." Allen stopped himself short, but Kanda could tell that he was about to say a name.

"I understand, so what's wrong?"

"I miss you…." The words were quiet, and had they not been talking on the phone he might not have heard it.

"Allen, we agreed to stop this." Kanda's tone was firm, but in truth, he'd thought so many times about calling Allen, trying to get back together.

"I know, but I can't stop thinking about you, and the dreams don't help." Allen sounded tired, defeated.

"I know, I've been dreaming about you too, but I've found someone, and by the sound of it, so have you."

"I have, and I'm happy, but I just really wanted to hear you. It's been two years, can't we at least be friends?" He sounded hopeful, almost as if things could go back to the easy days of high school friendship.

"I don't know…" Kanda was skeptic, he knew what just seeing Allen used to do to him, but for his Moyashi, he would give it a try.

"Please Yu? I don't think I can live without you in my life somehow." Kanda could tell that the sprout was on the verge of tears.

"Fine, meet me Saturday at Oakwood."

"Thank you Yu…"


	4. Drabble 4

**A/N: Another random music drabble, this one's a little more depression, and I have to warn you readers. Kanda's out of character, Cross is also out of character, but less so than Kanda, and Allen's delusional.**

**Please enjoy this drabble anyway, and review**

**silverdragon**

Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore

Allen had always been lost in a world of fantasy, constantly reading about things that could never happen in real life. Things like dragons, fairies, and other mythical creatures managed to take up a good portion of his waking moments. He was forever wondering when his own prince would come, to save him from the pitiful life he was living.

He'd been living with Cross for years, and as he got older, life seemed to get worse. Cross wasn't a bad person, really, he was just prone to fits of anger and violence, or at least that's what Allen had been telling himself for the past five years, ever since the abuse started.

After Mana had died, Cross had taken him in, and although the situation hadn't been what he would have expected, Allen kept on going, just like Mana had taught him. Cross had piled debts on him as soon as the papers had been filed, and somehow Allen had managed to pay all of them off with his winnings from cheating at poker games. As he paid off each debt another would be added, and every time they got larger, until it got to the point where Allen could no longer pay them all off in time. It was because of this fact that Cross had started hitting him.

It was only an occasional smack here, and a bruise there to start with, but as the debts continued to go unpaid it became worse, until eventually Cross would leave him a bloody mess on the floor. Broken bones were common, and Cross would only let up on the abuse so the bones could heal before breaking them again. Allen had stopped going to school because trying to explain the bruises and cuts had become too much, and it was only a matter of time before someone found out about his terrible home life.

Allen didn't want Cross to go to jail, he was the boy's only real family, so he stayed silent and tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. It wasn't until after he left school that Allen had really gotten into reading. They were a way to get out of his miserable life, for at least a few hours until Allen did something that his guardian deemed punishable. When he was reading, Allen felt as though he might be able to get out of his situation, that there was a better life waiting for him just around the bend. It never happened though, and as each day went by things just got worse.

The white haired teen didn't realize it, or maybe he did, but he was waiting for someone to come and save him, a real life Prince Charming. Every day he waited, and every day he hoped that someone would come and take him from the hell hole that had become his life.

It had happened one day when he was crying in the living room while Cross was out with some women. He'd just taken a beating worse than any of the ones before. His nose was bleeding terribly, it might even be broken, and his arm was most definitely broken, he could tell because the bone was sticking out at an odd angle. He also had a collection of bruises that were still forming all over his body. Although he had a lot of experience blocking out the pain, this time he couldn't make himself numb the way he usually did, so he had started crying.

He'd been sitting like that for a good hour before there was a knock on the door. He didn't want to answer it, so he didn't get up, thinking that whoever was would leave if he didn't respond. He couldn't have been more wrong.

"Open up Moyashi, or else I'll break down the goddamn door!" It was the voice of the one person he didn't want to see, Kanda.

The other teen had been constantly pressing him as to the nature of his bruises when they were in school, and know he'd even gone as far as finding him at home. This was almost too much, and as Allen pushed himself off of the floor he winced in pain. He couldn't let anyone see him like this, so he walked to the door and tried to talk to Kanda through the thin wood.

"What do you want Kanda?" he tried to keep his voice upbeat, to not let any of the pain he was feeling through, but he couldn't help that his voice sounded tired.

"Moyashi, open up, I know there's something wrong with you, let me help," Kanda sounded so helpless in that moment, and as Allen slowly opened the door he could see the concern in Kanda's usually cold eyes.

"Kanda, why are you here?" Allen's voice had a hint of hope in it, and he couldn't help but wonder why the older teen seemed so concerned.

"Because I wanted to make sure that you were okay, which obviously you're not, stupid Moyashi." Kanda brought him into a hug, and he let the older teen, because this is what he had wanted all along.

"Let's get you cleaned up, and then you can tell me everything…"


	5. Drabble 5

**A/N: So this one doesn't really make that much sense when compared to the song that inspired it, but whatever, I think it's a good little drabble. Kanda may be a little out of character in this one too, but it still works, kind of.**

**Please enjoy and review if you like it.**

**silverdragon**

I'll Follow You by Shinedown

Kanda's life had been utter chaos for as long as he remembered. Moving from place to place with his military adopted father had not been easy and because of the constant moving he'd learned that trying to make friends was useless. Every time he would finally make some friends, they would move again, and he'd have to start over.

Now he was eighteen, almost old enough to leave his adopted father and go on his own way, all he had to do was finish High School first. Senior year hadn't actually been that bad, his guardian had been set up in a station in England for the entire year, so for once in his life he didn't have to move half way through the school year. Even so, he didn't try to make any friends. It was too much of a hassle and he preferred to be solitary and mind his own business.

That was until he met Allen.

The boy had been in his Chemistry class, and he'd been instantly intrigued by the boys white hair, and the scar that adorned his face. What had happened to this kid that had made his so different? For some reason Kanda couldn't keep his eyes off the kid, and the younger teen finally seemed to notice the attention.

One day he came up to Kanda before class, "Hey can you be my lab partner today? Mines sick and I don't think I can do the lab alone."

Kanda didn't realize it until about halfway through the class, but Allen's usual lab partner was actually in the class, and was even working with the girl that the Japanese teen usually partnered up with. When he looked over at Allen to question the other teen's motives, he saw a small, sheepish, smile adorning the teen's face. It was obvious, just from that smile, that Allen had planned this, and that he actually wanted to work with Kanda for some reason.

The Japanese teen couldn't put it together, that was until Allen leaned over the lab table and whispered into his ear, "I see you staring at me in class…."

Kanda froze and nearly dropped the beaker he'd been holding. It didn't surprise him that he'd been found out, he hadn't been particularly good at hiding it, but what did surprise him was the way that Allen said it so casually, as though it happened every day.

They went through the rest of the lab, finishing their data collection before going to sit down and work on the questions. As soon as Kanda turned the page on his lab report, he saw a small note scrawled on the corner of the paper in pencil.

The note read:

_We need to talk…. Meet me by the oak tree in the front of the school today after class. A_

It was obviously from Allen, and as Kanda tried to figure out when the younger teen had had time to write the note the bell rang for the end of the classes for the day. Kanda quickly erased the note, and packed up his things.

As he walked outside, he thought about the note, and what exactly he and Allen needed to talk about. He decided to go to the meeting, it was in public so if anything went weirdly at all he could just walk away.

When he got to the tree, Allen was already there, leaning up against the bark with his head turned upwards and his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful that Kanda couldn't bring himself to disturb the white haired teen.

He only jumped a little when Allen started talking, eyes still closed but a smile flitting across his face, "You're staring again…. Didn't your parents ever tell you it's rude to stare?"

"Of course not Moyashi, I'm an adopted military brat, remember. I have no manners." The words slipped out of their own accord, Kanda's sarcasm being used as a shield once again.

"I'm not a beansprout, and you know that. I also know that you've been staring at me in Chemistry constantly since school started. Care to explain?" The hint of amusement behind Allen's words made Kanda a little wary. What was this kid playing at anyway?

"No I really don't care to tell you anything, Moyashi, besides, shouldn't it be me asking the questions?" Kanda quirked an eyebrow, "Like why did you leave that note for me? What do you want?"

Allen pushed himself off the tree, sighing as he did so, "I wanted to find out why you seem so fascinated by me, but since you're not willing to give an answer, I guess I'll be going now."

Kanda just couldn't let the beansprout go like that, not when he finally had a chance to understand why he was so obsessed with the white haired teen. So he let his natural reaction kick in, grabbing the boy's wrist, and pulling him into a hug. Before he knew it, Allen face was right next to his, and the younger teen reached up on his tiptoes and brought their lips together.

The Japanese teen couldn't describe how he felt in that moment. Anger that his space had been invaded so carelessly, joy that he may have finally found why he seemed obsessed with the teen, and a weird feeling that he'd only felt a handful of times before. It was a kind of strong pulling sensation at his heart, mixed with weird butterflies in the stomach kind of feeling. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, but Kanda found that it wouldn't go away, even after Allen had pulled away.

"Maybe you can tell me now?" Allen looked up with deep gray puppy dog eyes, begging for an answer to the unasked question. His actions seemed to scream, "I like you, do you like me back?"

It was then that Kanda realized why he'd been so drawn to the kid. They were the same, not in appearance or attitude, but on the inside, emotionally. Kanda had only heard a few things about Allen's past, nothing more than a few snippets of gossip here and there, but from what he could piece together, their lives had been similar. Both of them adopted, moving from place to place because of a legal guardian, and never really making many friends.

"It's because we're the same…." Kanda almost whispered.

Allen looked a little confused and cocked his head to the side, "What do you mean Kanda?"

"The look in your eyes, I see it every time I look in a mirror. We're the same…" Kanda looked in Allen's eyes, almost begging the younger teen to understand.

The white haired teen searched Kanda's cobalt eyes for a moment, before a spark of understanding lighted in his eyes, "You're right….. It makes so much sense, but what does it mean for us?"

"I don't know…." Kanda couldn't answer the question because he didn't really understand what was supposed to happen next. All he knew is that he'd finally found someone that he could relate to, and that fact alone made him insanely happy.


	6. Drabble 6

**A/N: Here's another one, this time a little stranger than the others. I didn't add the name of the mystery person until the very end, let's see who figures out who I'm talking about, it should be pretty obvious.**

**Please enjoy and review if you liked it.**

**silverdragon**

Rivertown Blues by Yellowcard

They had broken up almost a year ago, and yet for some reason Allen couldn't help but cling to the memories that remained. He desperately wanted to call him, but knew that it would do neither of them any good.

They'd been a great couple in high school, started slowly in sophomore year, picking up speed as graduation drew closer and closer. The two of them had seemed made for each other, and their class in high school had even voted them cutest couple in the yearbook, despite their status as one of the only homosexual couples in the school.

Neither of them had been reckless by themselves, but when they were put together, they did some pretty stupid stuff. Anything from white water rafting to skydiving was an option, as long as they were together, they could enjoy it. Sure some of the things they had done together hadn't been very smart, but they had been young, stupid and in love.

Then collage had hit, and things had changed.

Allen had gone to a school for the arts, majoring in piano studies, with the hope of potentially becoming a singer. If that plan failed, he also minored in teaching, making sure he had something to fall back on should he not make it in the music world.

He, on the other hand, had gone into the military, with the plan of becoming a ranking officer in a few years' time, and going to school as soon as he couldn't fight anymore. It seemed stupid and reckless, much more so than anything Allen and he had done during their high school days.

So they went their separate ways, Allen to the arts school in California, and the other boy to a training camp for the military in Texas. They'd promised to keep in touch, to keep the flame of their love burning over the long distance.

But as with everything, time apart changed them both.

Allen went through collage and made a lot of friends that had the same goal in life as he did, people he could relate with. His calls to the other boy getting less and less frequent, and the time they managed to spend together becoming less and less.

The boy became wrapped up in the world of military life, and didn't realize what was happening until it was too late to stop their drifting apart. So he let it happen, opting for the slow fade of the feelings, instead of the messy break up.

It would have worked too, had he not been deployed to Afghanistan.

His first deployment had only lasted a few months, but the time away changed him. He missed Allen with a passion, and only wished to go back to the days of high school, when nothing was complicated and the world was spread out before them, warm and inviting.

When he came back, Allen was waiting, and they barely recognized each other. They'd both changed so much in the months apart, and it was obvious to anyone that they didn't fit together the way they had before. The spark wasn't there, and each of the boys had had their fair share of experiences that had managed to pull them apart.

Yet they still tried. Tried to make it work, tired endlessly to find that spark again, and rekindle what had been lost.

Then he got deployed again, this time to Africa, and for longer than before. This was different from his first deployment, and when he finally came back, he was a hollow shell of the man he'd been before. Allen could see none of the man he'd fallen in love with in high school. In his place stood a stranger, who had been hardened by life and combat.

It was then that they both realized. This wasn't going to work. They couldn't keep coming back to each other like this, so they'd gone their separate ways. Allen back to his life in California, and the other man back to his life as a solider.

It was days like this, rainy and dark, that Allen thought about him the most. Thought about all that they could've become had their paths not gone in different directions. Remembering the good days of high school and forever wishing he could go back and change something.

Allen crumpled the piece of paper in his hand, the one that had a ten digit number and his name, and threw it into the ocean.

As he turned around, there were tears in his eyes, "I'm sorry Kanda…"


	7. Drabble 7

A/N: More drabble fun! I actually like writing these a lot, especially because the lovely little plot bunnies won't leave me alone. I like this one, less so than the others, but I still like it.

Please enjoy and review.

silverdragon

For My Sake by Shinedown

Kanda knew it would've come to this eventually. Knew that things couldn't stay the same if he ever wanted to move on with his life. He and Allen had been together for the longest time, five or six years at least, and it was only now that he had begun to realize that what he had with Allen was holding him back.

He didn't want to leave the younger man, but they had made a promise all those years ago, that if they had a chance at happiness somewhere else, they would take it. They'd also promised to stay together, through anything. The two promises were slightly contradicting, but it didn't seem to be that much of a problem, until now.

Kanda had just got a job offer that was a once in a lifetime chance, the only problem was that it was in Japan, and he had to go alone. He would've taken Allen with him, but because they weren't legally married, he couldn't make a case with his possible new employers to bring the white haired man. This situation left him with a choice, should he follow his dreams and break one promise, or should he stay and break the other?

Thinking about how their relationship had progressed over the years, Kanda realized that the spark that had burned bright only a few years ago had started burning out. There really wasn't anything left that he could grab onto, and everything about his life had become boring and dull. What he had wasn't what he wanted, and with every passing thought, leaving started to sound better and better. With that in mind he decided to try and break things off with Allen cleanly, and as painlessly as possible. He didn't want to hurt the sprout any more than he had to.

He'd taken Allen out to dinner, trying to make the break smoother, and help Allen understand that even though he wanted to separate, he didn't want to lose Allen's friendship. Kanda realized as the night progressed that he had yet to broach the subject. Looking at the face of his lover, soon to be ex, tore at Kanda's heart. The younger male looked so open, happy, and carefree that just thinking about what he was about to do put a bad taste in his mouth. It was mainly because this was such a selfish action that Kanda could barely stand himself.

"Allen, I need to tell you something," Kanda started in, trying to sound as normal as possible.

Allen looked over his spaghetti, cocking his head to the side, "What's wrong Kanda?"

For some reason the white haired man always knew when something was wrong, and that fact didn't make it any easier for Kanda.

"Well, I need to tell you that I got a job offer, a really good job offer…" Kanda didn't' know how to finish, so he just let the words hang for a moment.

"Oh Kanda that's great," Allen clapped his hands lightly before he registered the sorrowful look on the blue haired man's face, "Or is it?"

Kanda swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat, "Well you see, the jobs great, it's everything I've ever wanted, but it's in Japan, and you can't come with me…"

The words hung in the air for a moment as Allen tried to register what he'd just heard, and Kanda tried to look anywhere but the white haired man's face. Allen cleared his throat to get Kanda's attention, and the older man was forced to look into silver eyes. Surprisingly, Kanda didn't see any anger in the twin pools of gray, instead there was understanding and some sadness.

He couldn't put it together until Allen started speaking, "I'm happy for you Kanda I really am, and if you need to leave me to chase your dreams, you do that. I wouldn't want you to look back and regret anything."

Kanda couldn't help but feel a little relived at the words, and he could feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes, but he held them back. Yu Kanda did not cry. However Allen Walker did, and when the Japanese man looked up again he could see the tears in the sprouts eyes, spilling over the edges of his eyes and gliding down his cheeks.

He hated to see Allen cry and gently reached over and wiped the tears away, "I'm sorry it had to be this way…."

Allen smiled a sad smile, "I am too…."

The ride back to their apartment was silent, and as soon as they walked through the door, Allen grabbed Kanda's hand and pulled him onto the couch.

"Promise me something Yu."

Kanda could tell that Allen was being serious just by the way the younger male had said his name.

"Promise me, that if you ever find happiness, you'll forget about me and live your life for yourself…"

Kanda couldn't make the words come out, there was so much he wanted to say, but not of his thoughts made sense.

Finally he settled on the thing he thought would cause the least amount of pain for both of them, "I promise."


	8. Drabble 8

A/N: I'm not even sure what drabble I'm on now, all I know is that this one's a little different, mainly because it's based on a song from a play. Despite how much I wanted to make it a kind of tragedy, I couldn't bring myself to end it on such a terrible note. In any case, this once again came to life from my Ipod, the savior of my entire life.

Please enjoy and review if you like it.

silverdragon

I'm Not That Girl from the Broadway musical Wicked

Allen didn't know what to do. He'd been in love with Kanda ever since high school, but had never had the courage to ask the Japanese man out on a date. He'd remained friends with the older male, but as time went on, Allen felt himself fade into the background. He didn't want to do anything about his feelings, because honestly, he didn't know whether or Kanda was actually gay. Kanda had never dated anyone in high school, and all of his relationships after that had been pretty secretive, so it was hard to tell, and it wasn't until three years after graduation that Allen actually got his answer.

It came in the form of an invitation to a wedding, Kanda's to be exact.

The older man had asked Allen to meet him for coffee one morning, and all Allen could feel was happiness that he was going to see Kanda again. Despite the fact that Allen had fallen into the background of Kanda's life, he was still one of the Japanese man's best friends. So when he came into the coffee shop and was met with the sight of Kanda holding hands with a handsome red head, his heart dropped.

"Oh Allen, you're here." Kanda motioned for Allen to come and join them at the table. Allen walked woodenly, a fake smile plastered on his face.

His mind was running a mile a minute, and he didn't understand what was going on for a moment. He still sat down at the table and looked at the red head in confusion.

Kanda seemed to notice, and brought his hand up and motioned towards the red head, "Allen this is Lavi Bookman, my fiancé. Lavi, this is Allen Walker."

The man named Lavi looked at Allen curiously, smiling before offering up a hand, "Nice to meet you. Yu talks about you all the time."

Allen was having a hard time keeping his mask up, and it felt like his heart was slowly breaking. Even so, he took Lavi's hand awkwardly and shook it.

"Nice to meet you too."

Lavi turned to Kanda and whispered something into his ear before getting up, "Bathroom," he said quickly before walking away into the restaurant.

Once he was out of earshot Kanda looked directly in Allen's eyes, "So I asked you to come here to request that you be my best man at the wedding, but Lavi says that you're going to say no. Care to tell me why?"

Allen was caught a little off guard, he was being asked to be the best man at the wedding of the person he loved more than life itself. It was cruel irony if he'd ever heard of it before. He started laughing, but it didn't take long for the laughter to become hysterical tears.

Kanda stood up and hugged him to try and comfort the smaller man, but his touch only seemed to make it worse, so he settled for waiting until the younger man had stopped. When Allen had finally pulled himself together enough he looked up into Kanda's eyes.

The dark cobalt of those eyes showed sorrow, and almost regret, neither of which Allen could understand.

He took a deep breath before launching into the biggest lie of his life, "I'm happy for you, you deserve someone who loves you Kanda."

The older man's chest seemed to fall, but Allen couldn't tell if it was from disappointment or relief. Either way Allen felt as if his world was crumbling around him, like he was drowning and couldn't get a handhold to bring himself above the water level.

"So does that mean yes?" Kanda asked once more.

"Yes Kanda, I'll be your best man." Allen had a really difficult time of reigning in the tears this time, but he managed, and in that moment Lavi came back.

"So, how'd it go?" The red head asked.

"He said yes you idiot," Kanda shot it back a little forcefully, the words tainted with some hint of regret.

"That's wonderful, we'll keep you posted on the date," Lavi said while Allen just nodded his head.

Of course what Allen didn't realize is how much time he'd be spending with Kanda and his fiancé by saying yes. There were tuxedo fittings, Lavi was going to be in white, Kanda in black, the bridesmaids in a light purple, and the groomsmen in a light blue. Allen was forced to wear dark blue, just because he was the best man. There was also being called at all hours about decorations and flower arrangements and such.

Every time Allen would have to see Kanda with Lavi, a piece of him died, until finally the day of the wedding came, and he and Kanda were getting Kanda ready for the wedding in a room of the church.

While Allen was fixing the older man's jacket, he was suddenly pulled into a hug by the husband to be.

"When were you going to tell me?" Kanda asked into the snowy white hair.

Allen didn't understand what Kanda was talking about, "Tell you what?"

"You know what I'm talking about," Kanda alluded, tightening his hold on Allen's small frame.

Allen could barely think straight, being this close to the person he'd loved for so long, it didn't take him very long to understand what Kanda was talking about once that registered.

"Kanda, I l-l-lo-o-o…." Allen couldn't get the words out, but it seemed as though Kanda got the picture.

The Japanese man reached one hand between them and picked up Allen's chin. With a slight smirk he brought his lips to Allen's in a chaste kiss.

"You know, had you said that six months ago you would've saved both you and me a lot of pain."

Allen was so confused and flustered that he couldn't seem to stand upright, and he fell into Kanda's waiting arms.

"What are you talking about?"

Just then Lavi walked in, wearing street clothes, not the tuxedo he was supposed to have on. Kanda put Allen down on the couch and sighed. He knew that this had been taken a little far, but Lavi had wanted to go through with it so much.

Kanda sat down next to Allen and started to explain, "It was that idiot's idea. He thought that you'd finally fess up your feelings if you found out I was going to get married. Well obviously that didn't work, so he decided to make it look like I was going to go through with it. Sad thing is, it still took me asking you directly to ferret out the truth, which is what I'd wanted to do all along."

Allen was still confused, but less so now that things had been explained, "So you pretended to be engaged so that I would confess my feelings?"

Kanda rolled his eyes, "That's what was supposed to happen, but that damn Usagi doesn't know how much of a martyr you are, so it obviously didn't work. You'd rather see me happy and destroy yourself then speak your heart. You really are an idiot Moyashi."

"My names Allen you idiot…" The reaction was natural, almost a reflex at this point.

"See that's the kind of reaction I was looking for," Kanda smirked as he brought Allen's hand up to his lips, softly kissing the pale skin.

"Wait, so does this mean you want me, not Lavi?" Allen had to ask, mainly because he was still really confused.

"Yes Baka Moyashi, I've wanted you to ask me for years, but you never had the guts to do it, and I wasn't going to ask you. I didn't want to seem like the uke." The smirk on Kanda's face only got bigger as Allen blushed, a faint pink tinting his cheeks.

"I am not a uke!" Allen cried, pulling out of Kanda's grasp.

Kanda jumped on top of him and pinned his arms down, effectively holding the white haired man down, "Yes you are Moyashi, and if you let me I'll prove it."

Allen struggled to break free, and when he realized he couldn't he gave a sigh of defeat, "Fine, just get the hell off of me."

"Whatever you say me dear little uke," Kanda smirked again as he moved off his Moyashi.

"See Yu, I told you it would work," Lavi said from the door way.

Allen smiled as the Japanese man next to him started to give off a threatening aura. Maybe things would work out after all.


	9. Drabble 9

**A/N: Here's another one, this one based on a song I just heard on the radio. It's an interesting song, and therefor produced an interesting drabble.**

**Hope you enjoy and please review.**

**silverdragon**

One More Night by Maroon 5

They'd never been a 'good' couple, always getting into fights and bickering without end. Yet somehow they fit together perfectly. It didn't make any sense, but they were happy with what they had.

It was another one of those days, they'd gotten into a fight again and Kanda had stormed off in a huff, going to the training room no doubt. Allen had retreated to the safe haven of the cafeteria, to eat away his anger before going back to his room.

As he was eating his third plate of chicken curry, both Lavi and Lenalee came up to his table, looking mischievous. He stopped eating for a moment to give both of them puzzled looks as they sat down at the table.

"Hey Allen, why are you and Kanda still together when all you do is fight and bicker?" Lenalee asked trying to sound innocent, but failing as soon as the grin spread across her face.

Allen tried to pass it off as nothing, "I really don't know, I guess there's just something that keeps us together."

"Really, and what would that be? 'Cause the other day me and Lenalee were walking down the hallway and we heard something…. Interesting," Lavi said, arching an eyebrow at the younger exorcist.

The white haired teen blushed lightly, once again trying to brush the comment off, "I have no idea what you two are talking about."

"Well we were walking down the hallway nearest Kanda's room, and you know how there are very few people living in that hallway because they don't want to deal with Kanda. Meaning it had to be Kanda and someone else making those weird noises…" Lenalee wasn't giving up any time soon, and as Allen turned an even brighter shade of red she knew that it was only a matter of time until the boy confessed something.

"What about it?" Allen could feel his cheeks heating up even more, "It's not like we've done anything in public, besides, what were you guys even doing in that hallway in the first place? As you put so well, the only person who lives in that part of Headquarters is Kanda."

He knew that he had something on them with that, but it still didn't retract from the humiliation he was about to suffer.

"Well you see, we were actually looking for you, but upon hearing some of the things coming from the room we decided it would be a better idea to come back later," Lavi answered, his one green eye gleaming.

"So explain Allen, how is it that you guys fight all the time outside of the bedroom, and yet in the bedroom you seem to love each other to no end," Lenalee was going in for the kill, finally asking the question that had been bugging her for a while.

In truth, Allen had often wondered the same thing. How was it that he and Kanda seemed to hate each other at all other times, yet when they were making love, they seemed to fit together perfectly, not fighting or bickering at all? It had often puzzled Allen, and he knew that Kanda felt the same, so why did they keep up this farce of a relationship? The truth was, they were addicted to each other. Well more accurately, they were addicted to each other's bodies.

It seemed stupid, to keep up a relationship just for the sex, but honestly, Allen couldn't image having anyone other than Kanda in bed with him. He knew that he really should break up with Kanda, and finally end the weird cycle, but he just couldn't, he was too drawn to the older teen.

Allen decided to answer as truthfully as possible to Lavi and Lenalee, because the truth would get them off his back, "I'm not really sure. I guess the only reason we're even together is for the sex, which explains how we fight all the time. Like I said, I don't know how to describe what we have, if there's anything there at all."

That explanation left both Lavi and Lenalee a little confused, but they decided that trying to pester Allen anymore would just end up in a headache for all of them. So they accepted his answer and left, waving a quick goodbye before leaving the dining hall.

Once the pair had left, Allen shook his head, "That was weird," he thought. What a crazy complicated relationship he had with Kanda, he never really would understand it.


	10. Drabble 10

**A/N: Another drabble, this one a little more….. adult, then the other ones. There isn't anything too terrible about it, just some language and mentions of sex, nothing graphic at all. The song is also a little more moving then the others that I've done, and this drabble is a lot longer than any of the others, but please enjoy it anyway.**

**Please read and review, I hope you like it.**

**silverdragon**

Mrs. Angel by Racoon

Kanda didn't understand, how did Allen even get mixed up with that asshole in the first place. He'd been confused by Allen Walker for a good month before everything had finally been revealed. There was really only one thing in the way for Kanda making Allen his, making the boy feel safe, and not having to use him to do that. The one thing was a man by the name of Tyki Mikk.

This guy seemed like a genuine character, someone who had everyone's best interest at heart, but in truth, he was a scumbag. He did have a job at a prominent law firm, but there were very few people who knew about his ''side business'. He was a pimp basically, owning some pretty high class whores and renting them out to whoever would pay the top dollar.

Allen Walker was one of those whores, and the only reason Kanda even knew this was because he was the bartender at a high end bar, servicing everyone from lawyers to the mayor. As very few people understand, being a bartender you get all the juicy details, about everything and everyone.

Kanda had first heard about Allen from one of his regulars, a man who owned a law firm in the center of town. He'd been talking to another man about the services he'd been given by one of Tyki's select. Kanda had often heard about Tyki's select group of whores, those that had been groomed by the man himself to be the best in town. Very few people ever got the chance to have their way with one of Tyki's, and even fewer managed to get high enough in the man's good graces to be given one of his chosen.

The way that the man was talking about this whore, someone who preferred to be called the 14th, one would've thought that the man had never slept with anyone before. It really didn't make that much sense, but Kanda listened to the conversation while rearranging the liquor on the shelves. There had been many a time when one of Tyki's girls would come into the bar and ask Kanda for the strongest liquor he had, tearstains on their cheeks and a bruise or hickey blossoming on their neck. Of course Kanda didn't comply, instead he brought them to the back room and gave them tea, telling them he'd be back when his shift ended.

If they were still there when that time rolled around, half of them staid, half of them left, he would listen, and be a shoulder to cry on if they needed it. It wasn't that he was soft, in fact, seeing those girls that way made him furious, but he'd been used before, and he hated to see it happen to other people. Every once in a while a girl would listen to what he had to say, they would leave Tyki's ranks and actually do something with their lives, but more often than not, the girls would thank him for the tea and his time, and then would go right back to that bastard. So he kept an eye and an ear out for any hints that he'd be getting another hysterical girl coming into the bar. It really was bad for business.

That day was no exception, and as he discreetly listened in on the conversation, a thought dawned on him. He'd never heard mention of anyone who went by the 14th in Tyki's collection, which meant a few things. This girl was new, and she would be coming into the bar at some point, whether to sob her heart out, or to meet up with a client.

As he listened to the conversation, someone walked into the bar, a younger man wearing tight black skinny jeans and an even tighter purple sequined top. Kanda was confused for a moment as the man who he'd been listening to started whispering to his friend, "See that's him, the 14th, isn't he the most delicious thing you've ever seen?"

Kanda shook his head, so Tyki had expanded past just female whores now, it was pathetic how far the man would go. He was brought out of his thoughts by a tap on the bar, and looking over, he saw that the 14th had walked over, and was waiting to order a drink. Taking a closer look at the man Kanda noticed that he didn't look a day over 16, let alone old enough to be buying any kind of drink.

"Hey can I get an Irish Coffee?" the guy asked, looking a little bored.

"Can I see some ID?" Kanda knew that he needed to card this kid, because there was no way in hell he was anywhere close to 21.

"What the hell man, don't I look 21 to you?" the white haired guy asked, reaching into his back pocket and withdrawing a wallet.

"No, you really don't, and if I don't know, I have to card." Sure it was the law that he had to card this kid, but in all honesty, Kanda was more curious about the kids name then anything.

The other man slipped out his ID, and handed it over to Kanda for inspection. The name on it said Allen Walker, and the age said 22, but Kanda could tell right away that the license was a fake. Even so, he knew that if he confronted the kid in the middle of the bar everyone would notice, so he motioned for the kid to follow him into the back room.

"This is a fake," Kanda stated it calmly as soon as the door shut behind the kid.

"Yeah, and what's it to you?" Boy this guy was mouthy.

"I can't serve you shit unless I know your real age dumbass." Kanda was on a short fuse, and this wasn't making it any better.

The kid turned his head, and his shirt rod up just enough to reveal a dark bruise on his stomach, and another one just below his collar bone. The kid obviously wasn't going to offer up his real age, and just looking at the bruises was making the anger boil up within Kanda, so he walked over and placed a hand on the white haired teen's shoulder.

"You're one of Tyki's aren't you?" Kanda already knew the answer, but it was best to hear it from the horse's mouth,

Allen, if that was the kid's actual name, brushed the hand off, "What's it to you?"

Kanda tried to keep his anger in check, "Who did that to you?" He gestured to the bruises with his hand.

"You don't need to worry about them. That's my problem." The kid didn't seem to want to talk, and Kanda was getting frustrated trying to get the truth out of him, so he did the next best thing.

"I know that it's not my problem, but know this, if you ever need help, I'll be here. Quite a few of Tyki's girls know who I am, ask any of them, you can trust me to keep my mouth shut." With that Kanda ushered the kid out of the back room, he had a bar to get back to.

He didn't see Allen again for another month, but Kanda did here about him through the bar side gossip. Every time he'd hear something about the mysterious teen his ears would perk up a little bit. Allen Walker was a mystery to every one of his clients, mainly because none of them knew his actual name, they all just called him the 14th.

Then one day, Allen came in, tears running from his eyes and a fresh pair of hand shaped bruises on his neck. Kanda rushed him to the back room and made the teen some jasmine tea, telling him to wait a little while, and then they could talk.

All throughout his shift Kanda kept nervously glancing at the back room door, waiting to talk to the mysterious Allen Walker, and wondering just what happened to the teen. It wasn't that hard to guess, but Kanda was sure that there was a lot more to the story then just the physical evidence.

So when his shift finally ended, he went into the back room, surprised to see the teen still sitting were he'd left him. When the door shut the white haired teen looked up, fresh tears in his eyes, and the bruises looking darker and more prominent.

"What happened?" It was out of Kanda's mouth before he could stop it.

Allen gave him a quizzical look, "So the girls were right, you really do seem to care."

Kanda understood that the kid would be a little wary to share his secrets with a complete stranger, but he hadn't expected that.

"Yes, I do, now what happened? Did a client do this to you?" This time he asked it nicer, making sure that the kid didn't clam up.

Allen shook his head, "It wasn't a client, it was Mr. Mikk. I refused him and made him angry, so he decided to show me how much he owns me."

Kanda watched as the white haired teen shuddered, wishing he could do something, but knowing that the kid probably didn't want to be touched at the moment.

The Japanese man was curious about one thing, so he asked, not really expecting to get an answer, "How did you come to work for Mr. Mikk?"

When Allen launched into his story Kanda was a little taken aback. Very few of the girls he'd talked to over the years had been willing to talk about their pasts, or how Tyki had found them. Yet here was this boy, no older then 18, telling about his life.

As Kanda listened he couldn't believe how hard this kid's life had been.

Allen had been abandoned by his parents at the age of 4, something to do with a deformity, and had been adopted by a man named Mana. This guy seemed to mean the world to Allen, but then he died of sickness the winter of Allen's 11th birthday. It was then that he was adopted by a man named Cross, and that was when his life started to go downhill. The man who had adopted him was a drunk, and often took to beating Allen senseless, and making the child pay off his numerable debts. So Allen had turned to singing, as an outlet and a way to make money. It didn't pay very much, so he learned to cheat at poker, winning large sums of money, only to pay Cross's debts with it.

It was at one such poker game that Tyki had found him, and after a few promises were made, and deals were struck, Allen had ended up going home with the man. At this point Allen had just turned 18, that golden age where any and all chances of child molestation charges go out the window. Tyki had taken him that night, and the man had taken away one of the few things Allen had left to his name, his purity and innocence.

As the story continued, Kanda could understand why a boy like Allen would be drawn to a man like Tyki. This teen had never had anything, and here Tyki was giving him the world for the simple price of giving the older man his body. To someone like Allen it was a dream come true, and it was obvious that Allen wanted to remain in that dream.

It'd taken a few months, but eventually Tyki had gotten bored of him, and had started to rent Allen out to however wanted him. Allen did as he was told, letting the men, and in some cases women, do whatever they wanted to his body, just so he could keep the bubble of luxury he was living in from popping. Every so often Tyki would ask for Allen, using the boy until his body was close to breaking.

Apparently that was the day after one of those times with Tyki that Allen had walked into the bar, and met Kanda. That had been a changing point in Allen's life, and after talking to Kanda that one time over a month ago, Allen had started digging. He'd talked to all of Tyki's girls, and found out that Kanda actually cared about them, the lowly whores under Tyki Mikk's care. It had taken a beating from Tyki, and an assault that had left Allen bloody and in pain, to finally come to the Japanese man.

Allen finished his tail with a plea, "Please help me get my life back on track. I don't know where I went wrong, but I need some help to get myself somewhere other than this hellhole. Please Kanda, help me."

Kanda couldn't help but feel his heart tug as he listened to the words, the cry for help. He reached over and pulled the small, white haired teen into an embrace and waited until the boy relaxed into his arms.

"I don't understand you at all Allen Walker, but I do know what it's like to need help to get out of something you've dug yourself into. I'll help you, on one condition."

Allen looked up at Kanda through the hug with quizzical eyes.

Kanda didn't understand why he was saying this, but somewhere in his heart it felt right, "You have to stay with me. Not as a lover, but at least as a friend."

Allen nodded his consent into Kanda's shirt, and Kanda could feel tears of the other man through his shirt.

Allen was going to be just fine.


	11. Drabble 11

**A/N: Another drabble, this one I like a lot and have been thinking about making it a complete story. I have to finish my other project first, don't want to get ahead of myself there, but this is definitely an idea I may have to come back to.**

**Please read and enjoy.**

**silverdragon**

Endlessly by The Cab

They came from different walks of life, but yet they seemed to fit.

Allen was a pretty well off man, had a job as a lawyer, a large apartment, all in all a good life. Yet something always seemed to be missing. He felt empty, and no matter what he did to try and fill the void, nothing seemed to work.

He'd been skydiving, SCUBA diving, and even tried racing for a time, driving at crazy speeds because he didn't care what happened to himself. He'd attempted an array of sports, archery, hunting, tennis, and even football, despite his slight build. Nothing had ever managed to fill the empty pit that had been a part of him for so long. He'd even tried dating, dating a good number of people as well, mostly women, with a few men thrown in, but he'd never managed to love any of them.

So one day as Allen was walking down the street, he passed a tattoo parlor, and, on a whim, went inside. Maybe getting a tattoo would manage to fill the hole, prove that Allen was worth something more as a person, give him some sense of self.

As he walked into the shop, someone was behind the counter, arranging the portfolios of each of the tattoo artists that worked there. At first Allen thought it was a woman, the long blue black hair that was tied in a tight pony tail and the thin build of the person made him look like a woman from the back.

As he turned around, Allen realized that the person was actually a man, a gorgeous one at that. His long blue black hair framed and oriental face, with high cheek bones and angular eyes. His body, that had looked feminine from the back, was actually incredibly fit, the strong muscles visible through his tight fitting black t-shirt. The logo on the shirt was for some band that Allen had never heard of, but may have to start listening to. The man was also wearing a pair of baggy blue jeans, ones with holes in the knees, riding low on his hips and held up with a simple black belt.

"Can I help you?" the man asked, a fleck of annoyance in his tone. Allen was a little startled, and felt his face heat up because he'd just been caught checking the guy out.

The white haired man wasn't sure what he wanted at the moment, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to get a tattoo yet. So he said the first thing that came to mind, "I'm looking to get a tattoo I guess."

The man raised an eyebrow, but only asked, "Do you know what you want?"

Allen shook his head, he'd only come into the shop on an impulse.

"Well there are the simple, generic ones over there," the man pointed to some framed templates on the wall, "but if you want something more than that you could check out our artist's portfolios."

Allen walked over to the wall, looking at the generic tattoos that adorned the walls. He knew right away that none of them was what he was looking for. He wanted something more meaningful then just a simple design or a Chinese symbol. He wanted something that would represent himself, something personal, so he walked back over to the counter.

"Hey can I see those portfolios?" he asked the guy behind the counter.

The blue haired man picked up one of the books and handed it across the counter without a word.

Allen looked through the book, but didn't see anything he liked. The designs and pictures seemed too fluid and flowery for his taste, and none of them seemed to fit his personality. None of them spoke to him the way he wanted.

He closed the book, pushing it back over the counter, "Got anything else?"

The man picked up another book, pushing it over the counter with one hand while grabbing the returned book.

Allen looked at these pictures for longer. They were kind of gory, but in a way that Allen couldn't pull his eyes away. There was no way he'd ever consider getting anyone of these tattoos, none of them fit.

Before he could even ask the man for another book, a new one was pushed in front of him.

At his questioning look the man replied, "Your face said it all. You don't seem like the kind of person who'd like Manny's work."

So Allen opened the new book, and was amazed by the images he saw. Every other page had a beautiful sketch, of birds, trees, fish, almost anything, mixed with swirls and patterns. On the corresponding page there were pictures of the very real tattoos that the sketch had produced. The white haired man was in awe at how each tattoo came to life, just like each of the sketches. As he got to the back he noticed that there were no pages that just contained sketches, they all had very real tattoos paired with them. He also noticed that no two tattoos were the same, they were each different, but just as beautiful.

Allen looked up, "Hey I noticed that…"

He was cut off before he could finish, "There aren't any sketches that don't have matches?" the man behind the counter said with a smirk.

"Yes. Why is that?" Allen asked.

The smirk remained on the man's face, "Those are mine. I don't draw for myself, I draw for the person. Each sketch and tattoo is specific to one person, they're not repeated and they represent the person at a very deep emotional level."

Allen looked at the portfolio before looking at the man and making up his mind, "I want one of yours."

The smirk got a little bigger, "Well if I'm going to make you a tattoo I'm going to have to get to know you. I'm Kanda."

"Allen," the white haired man responded.

"I'm going to have to get to know you better than just your name, so how about coffee tomorrow morning? There's this place on Washington that's really great."

"Sure Kanda, I'll see you then…" Allen turned to leave the shop, but was stopped when Kanda said his name.

"Hey Allen, I can't wait to work on you, I can tell you're going to be an interesting project."


	12. Drabble 12

**A/N: So next drabble, written to a song that I heard at a concert from one of the best open acts I've seen in a while. I swear this band is great. Anyway, very interesting drabble, and probably not one of my best. By the way, I don't hate Lavi, I just don't like the idea of him and Kanda together, it doesn't sit right.**

**Please read and enjoy**

**silverdragon**

I Don't Apologize by Otherwise

Kanda was fed up, with all of it. He and Lavi had been together for years, and despite the time spent together, things only kept getting worse. Lavi hadn't been particularly caring, choosing to worry about himself over Kanda a good portion of the time, but this time the red head had finally crossed the line.

The idiot had forgotten their damn anniversary. Five years together had amounted to nothing more than Kanda sitting home alone, waiting for his love to return from a "business meeting". So when Lavi showed up, at around one in the morning, drunk off his ass and falling over everywhere, Kanda had finally had enough.

After having a "heated" discussion with Lavi, one that involved the flying of fists, shouting, and some nasty truths revealed, Kanda had left, grabbing his keys and slamming the door behind him. There was no way in hell he'd be coming back for the next couple of days.

He knew right where he was going to go, even before he got into his car. He'd go to the Moyashi's apartment. The sprout was his best friend, if you could call their complicated relationship a "friendship".

While he was driving Kanda mused about his messy past with Allen Walker, the man he'd nicknamed Moyashi all those years ago.

The two of them had a "fling" in high school, which had basically amounted to two weeks of going hot and heavy, only to end in the inevitable break up. They'd been friends before the fling, and remained friends after, but there was always the linger remembrance of the two weeks they'd spent together. Kanda had never really gotten over it, but then he'd started dating Lavi, and the turmoil was forgotten for a while.

A couple of weeks ago, Kanda had gone over to Allen's, to talk about how much of an asshole Lavi was being. Of course, when Kanda had finished Allen just had to say something about how "he could do so much better". Kanda tried to ignore the subtle drop of hints, but there was always the thought in the back of his mind. What would've happened had he and Allen actually tried to make it work, rather than take the easy way out? Would he have been happier?

So here he was now, running away to see Allen again. Despite his own problems, Allen had always been a wall Kanda could lean on, a solid rock on which he could depend.

As Kanda pulled up to Allen's apartment building he started to have some doubts.

Was it really smart to keep coming back to Allen? Maybe he should just go back and apologize to Lavi, try to go back to the way things had been. Would he be happy, staying with Lavi? Being treated as if he weren't important? Probably not. Would he regret leaving, and not coming back again, no he wouldn't.

So with some determination Kanda got out of his car and walked into the building. After riding the elevator up to the top floor he got out, marching to the door that belonged to Allen Walker. He knocked at the door the apartment, and wasn't surprised to have the door opened by Allen, a phone at his ear.

"Calm down, he's right here," Allen reassured over the phone, motioning for Kanda to come in. The Japanese man walked straight over to the couch, letting out a huge sigh as he sat down, waiting for Allen to finish on the phone.

"Yes, I'll talk to him, don't worry Tiedoll." Allen finished before hanging up the phone.

Kanda mused as Allen sat down next to him. So Lavi had called Tiedoll, Kanda's foster father, who had called Allen. It was obvious to Kanda that Lavi didn't know anything, if he had, Lavi would've called Allen first, knowing that Kanda would go there, and not to his annoying foster father's house. At least Tiedoll had some sense, and understood his and Allen's strange relationship.

Kanda was brought out of his thoughts by Allen, "You know Tiedoll was really worried about you, and he said that Lavi was worried for you too."

The blue haired man snorted, "Tiedoll I can understand, but I highly doubt that bastard gives a rat's ass about me."

"What happened?" Allen asked simply, knowing that trying to push wouldn't get him anywhere.

"Bastard forgot our anniversary, then he shows up drunk at one in the morning. Before he said he couldn't do anything for our anniversary because he had a 'business meeting'. Come to find out, he was out drinking with Lenalee, Krory, and Noise. When I started questioning him further, he spilt that he'd been cheating on me, and that it had been going on for months." Kanda didn't know whether to cry or punch something. Being the proud man he was, he chose the latter and punched the back of the couch, letting some of his frustration out.

Allen looked a little shocked at both Kanda's actions and his words, and a look of worry was clear in his eyes. "You know none of that was your fault. Lavi made his choices, and he just proved what I've been trying to tell you for so long. You're too good for him, and he doesn't deserve you."

Kanda put his head in his hands, "How could I have been so blind? Where the hell did we go wrong?"

Allen placed a hand on Kanda's back, trying to comfort the distressed man, "Lavi may be an asshole, but he's smarter then he looks. I'm not surprised you didn't find out until today."

The Japanese man looked up at the white haired man that had been the closest thing he'd had to a friend in his lifetime. He could feel the emotions working their way through his system, and the emotions dredged up something that he'd thought he'd managed to forget.

The memory from the two weeks he and Allen had been together came flooding back, and everything he remembered was exactly what he didn't have with Lavi. Allen was kind, gentle, and focused on Kanda in every aspect of their relationship. Even after they'd broken up, Allen had still been there, helping him through the lows of life and enjoying the highs of life with him.

Looking back, he couldn't believe how stupid he'd been. He'd been the one to break things off with Allen, saying that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, but then he went and started this thing with Lavi, that had gotten out of control and ended in disaster. Now Kanda was looking for the exact thing that Allen had been offering all those years ago. Hopefully the offer was still on the table.

Not quite knowing what he was doing, but letting his body act of its own accord, Kanda brought his face close to the Moyashi's. When they were only a few centimeters away he stopped, looking into the twin pools of gray that had captivated him for so long. The older man was waiting, seeing if Allen would react, trying to determine if being with the younger was still an option.

He was surprised when Allen didn't do anything, and as he looked at Allen with questioning eyes, he saw a few tears fall from those gorgeous eyes before the younger man finally brought their lips together in a chaste kiss.

When he pulled away, Allen quickly looked away, to hide his tears. He was too late though, and as Kanda wrapped his arms around the white haired man he stiffened.

"Why are you crying?" Kanda asked quietly, not wanting to upset the younger man any more than he already was.

Allen took a deep breath before turning to Kanda, wiping away the tears, "I'm happy, but sad at the same time. Happy that you've finally seen how much I love you, but sad that it took you so long realize it. I thought that what we had before was amazing, but then you broke it off, and I was brushed aside and I'd thought you'd forgotten about me. Then you started dating that bastard, and I was the person you'd come to with your problems. I couldn't bring myself to tell you how much I missed you, how much I loved you, because you seemed so happy with him. Then he goes and does this, hurts you in a way I never would, and all I could think of is how I'll finally be able to have you again. I knew it was selfish, but I couldn't help myself from hoping. Then you go and do that, give me the option that I've been waiting so long for. I love you Kanda, and I always have."

Kanda is a little surprised by the words, but he was just thinking something similar wasn't he? Maybe they'd finally figured their feelings out, something they couldn't seem to do five years earlier. The Japanese man shook his head at the ridiculousness of it all. They could've been together for five years now, and his own stupidity was what had held them back.

The blue haired man brought his lips to Allen's again, sealing their lips together in another kiss.

When they pulled apart, they stayed connected by their foreheads and Kanda said something that was very much unlike him, "I'm sorry Moyashi, for not figuring it out sooner."

Allen chucked a little before responding, "It's Allen, BaKanda."

Just after he'd finished talking Kanda's phone rang, and the caller ID identified it as none other than Lavi the cheater. Kanda sighed and picked it up, waiting for the dumbass to finish talking before saying his piece.

". . . I'm so sorry Yu, I never meant to sleep with her, it was an accident I swear. We were both a little too drunk, and it just kind of happened. You're the one that I love, and I want to keep you. . ."

Kanda cut him off with a "che" and started in, "I'm not coming back to you asshole, and it's not just the sleeping with someone else. Although I am really pissed about that, I mean you slept with a fucking girl! Don't I deserve to have my boyfriend cheat on another guy? In truth I'm tired of you, and I don't want to see your face for at least a week, or else I may end up bashing your skull in. I'm going to come over to the apartment tomorrow to pick up my shit, and after that I'm not going to see you for the next year. And I mean that Lavi, I'm sick of you treating me like shit, and I'm not going to come crawling back to you this time. Have fun fucking your new girlfriend."

With that Kanda hung up the phone and looked over at Allen.

The look on the Moyashi's face amused him, "Why is your mouth hanging open Moyashi? Did I say something wrong?"

Allen closed his mouth and smiled a little, "No you said everything exactly right."

With that they started kissing again. One thing led to another, and they both woke up in Allen's bed, completely naked.

**A/N: I hope you liked it, and remember to please review! :)**


	13. Drabble 13

**A/N: So this is the second fic I've written for a song by this group, and I have to say, their songs really pull at my heart in a way that others don't. This is incredibly depressing, but that goes with my mood for the past week or so.**

**Hope you enjoy and please review.**

**silverdragon**

Heaven by Otherwise

Allen had died, and it was all Kanda's fault.

The accident had happened months ago, but Kanda couldn't seem to forget, or forgive himself. If only he'd been paying attention to the road, instead of getting distracted by Allen in the seat next to him. The road had been icy, and Kanda hadn't seen the tree until it was too late. There was a flash of tree bark in the lights of his car, and the next thing he remembered he woke up in a hospital, attached to thirty different wires and tubes.

The nurses had to sedate him for a few days after he was told that Allen had died upon impact. Every time he would wake up he'd start lashing out and getting violent, often destroying things in his room, and even pulling out the needles and such that were stuck into his arms.

There was just no way that Allen, his savior, could be dead.

The other man had been his ray of sunshine, the one thing that had kept him going for so long. Allen was like an unstoppable force for good, helping others whenever he could and even risking his own safety to help those less fortunate. Even Kanda had been one of his charity cases. Before he'd met Allen, he'd been in a bad place, hooked on numerous drugs, and living in some of the worst conditions possible.

Every time that Kanda would try to get clean, it would end with him in the same place, in the gutter of some ally. Eventually he'd stopped caring, about himself, about life. The only thing he cared about was where he was going to get his next fix from.

Then Allen had come along, with that annoying smile and a caring that seemed to be too much for one person. He'd helped Kanda get clean, helped him get a job, helped him restart his life and helped heal the wounds that had ravaged his heart and mind. It wasn't an easy job, Kanda's natural pride had rejected such treatment at first, but in the end Allen and his immense patients had won out.

Over time, Kanda developed feelings towards his savior, and eventually asked Allen out on a date. At first the answer had been no, Allen had said that the Japanese man was still recuperating, and that such a big jump in relationships wouldn't be good for his mental and physical stability. For some reason, that explanation hadn't put Kanda off at all, but in keeping with Allen's wishes, he backed off for over a year.

Then three years ago he'd asked again, and this time he'd gotten a yes from Allen. So they started dating, and hit it off right away. They seemed to fit together, although no one quite understood why. They were happy together, and ended up moving in with each other.

Not six months ago, the state they were living in legalized gay marriage and Kanda was going to propose to Allen the fateful night of the crash, the night of their official three year anniversary.

So at the time, Allen couldn't be dead, because they had had such a wonderful life ahead of them. Kanda couldn't accept that he'd lost his love, his savior, his best friend.

The terrible twist of fate that had taken away his lover was nothing more than an accident, but Kanda had always felt at fault. If only he had paid attention to the road, instead of getting caught in the pools of gray that had captured him so long ago.

He'd gone to grief counseling, had been forced by his employer to go to a loss group, and had even been prescribed anti-depressants by his doctor. Nothing seemed to help though. He couldn't manage to live one day without thinking about Allen, how much he would've enjoyed this, or how much he would've hated that. Thoughts of what would've happened had Allen said yes to marrying him flashed through his head too. Would Allen have wanted to have a big ceremony or something small with just their close friends? What kind of outfit would Allen have chosen for himself? Would it have been a white suit, or would he have tried to go along with Kanda's Japanese heritage?

There were so many times when Kanda just wished that Allen would come back, just for a few moments, to tell him the answer to the question he was going to ask the night of the crash.

There were other things he wanted to know, things that he wanted so badly to ask Allen, but those were all second to the pressing question.

Would Allen have said yes?

Kanda had no way of knowing now.


	14. Drabble 14

**A/N: So this was an idea I had a long time ago, but never really put to words until now. Allen is a she in this story, and it may or may not be Yullen. I'm not sure. Sorry of the long absence as well, funny that I was having writers block with my drabbles…**

**Anyway please read, review and enjoy.**

**silverdragon**

Ten by Yellowcard

Kanda was sitting on the couch in his apartment, drinking and thinking of the date. August 6th, his daughter would have been ten today, but that wasn't meant to be. Looking at a photo of a cute little two year old he let the tears fall as he remembered.

_He'd been on a tour of the world, doing what he did best, sword fighting. He'd fought all of the reigning champions, and after a year he'd finally come back to his home in Japan. He expected to find his wife Allena and his daughter, who would've been three by the time he got back, waiting for him at the door. What he found tore his heart to shreds._

_He walked into his family home, to see Allena sitting at the table, crying over a photograph and drinking out of a vodka bottle. Walking over to his wife he placed a hand on her shoulder, asking where their daughter was._

"_She's gone," Allena simply stated before turning around and crying into Kanda's chest. The fat tear drops soon soaked the front of his shirt as he held his wife. He didn't ask any more, understanding that his wife just needed him, and that he would find everything out eventually._

_Allena cried well into the night, falling asleep with tear tracks down her face. She was still sitting in the kitchen chair, so Kanda picked her up and put her to bed, tucking the covers around her as she slept._

_Going through the house he noticed that all the pictures of his daughter were no longer there, and that the toys that used to scatter the house were absent from the scene. Finally reaching his daughters room he opened the door and saw it just how it had been almost a year ago._

_The room had pastel pink wall paper with little bunnies on the tops and bottoms, the floor a clean white carpet. The bed was the same too, small, with white bedposts and a light purple cover. The only thing that had changed was the pile of pictures on the floor, scattered about haphazardly._

_Bending down he looked at a picture, it was of their first family vacation, a two day trip to Tokyo where they had introduced his daughter to Allena's parents. It had been a happy time, the family all together and smiling for the camera._

_Looking at another picture he saw his daughter's first Christmas. Allena had insisted on getting a picture of all of them in front of the Christmas tree, but every single time Kanda had set the camera timer up wrong so he was just a little bit blurry while the rest of his small family looked postcard perfect. He smiled at the memory, putting the picture down and picking up a newspaper clipping. What he read shocked him._

_It was an obituary, for his daughter. It stated who her parents were, her grandparents, and told the date of the funeral. It had taken place almost three months ago._

_Kanda searched the floor again and found a small newspaper clipping. It outlined a car accident that had happened a week before the date of the funeral._

_It simply stated, "Mother and daughter injured in drunken driving accident. Mother left the accident with a slight concussion, daughter had multiple lacerations and broken bones, unknown if she will survive."_

_Kanda put the clippings down, looking around the room once again. His eyes landed on the figure of his wife in the doorway, fresh tears running down her face._

"_Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, not moving from his spot in the room._

"_I couldn't find a way to," Allena answered, looking at the floor, "You were doing so well in your tournaments, and I couldn't find it in me to tell you when you were at the top of your game."_

"_You still should have tried," Kanda said, brushing past her and into the living room, "I'll sleep out here tonight."_

"_Okay… Yu?"_

_Kanda turned towards his wife._

"_I'm sorry."_

_Kanda turned back to the couch, "It's okay."_

He would later find that it wasn't okay. No matter how hard he tried, his daughter's death became a wedge between him and Allena, breaking up their marriage and forcing them to separate. Neither could move on from the tragic end to their daughter's life, and every time they saw their spouse they were reminded of the daughter they had shared.

She had had Kanda's dark raven locks, and angled eyes, but retained Allena's storm grey eyes and bright smile. While they were living together all they could see was their daughter in each other. It was sickening and eventually both of them had had too much.

Kanda would always think about all the things his daughter could have been, could have done. She might have turned into an amazing swordsman like her father or an acrobat like her mother. Would she have liked her parents? Would she think that Kanda was an amazing father? Would she have liked soba like her father, or mitarashi dango like her mother?

There were so many unanswered questions, and Kanda found himself wondering more and more about those questions.

There was no bringing his daughter back, but almost every day he wished he could.

So here he sat, on what would have been his daughter's tenth birthday, drinking away his sorrows. He sat wishing, wondering, and just feeling. Maybe this would be there year that he could finally move on.

**A/N: Thank you for reading and please review telling me what you thought.**


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